Ye Olde Job Faire

Dear Congressman,

A pretty good indication of the difficulties surrounding the economy in our local area is best demonstrated by one of the local paper's business headlines:

WILMINGTON - The 20th Annual Ohio Renaissance Festival holds a job fair noon-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday at the festival office located at 317 Brimstone Road.

Organizers are looking for part-time workers to sell food, beverages, souvenirs and operate games. No experience is required.

Applicants must be available for a dress rehearsal Aug. 29 and 30 and work all festival weekends from Sept. 5 to Oct. 25, including Labor Day.

For information, visit www.renfestival.com/employment, or call 513-897-7000.

Normally, I would expect to see someone along the lines of General Electric winning an engine order or even a small manufacturing company moving in into the Cincinnati suburbs and creating 100 local jobs. But bannering part time work at the renaissance festival? Isn't that where the "free credit report.com" band ended up working?

One other thing, there is a minimum requirement to work these things. You must be able to demonstrate that you can replicate an English accent almost as badly as the classic botch cockney accent job performed by Dick Van Dyke in the film "Mary Poppins". If not, then they shove a turkey drumstick in your left hand and require you to make pirate-like sounds as you prance around in green tights and generally annoy the visiting public.

Rather than hiring all these extra cast members, I have a better idea to increase the gate for the event. Want to have a large crowd at the Renaissance festival? Simple, as George Carlin would have recommended, just have a daily Spanish Inquisition tent that the unluckiest participant is then sacrificed in the nightly "burn the heretic" bonfire. Attendance would quadruple, guaranteed!