Guide to South America, by Mark Sanford

Dear Congressman,

As a Republican lawmaker, I thought you might be interested in hearing from one of your fellow party members on where to go in the southern hemisphere....


Lima, Peru - This city is glorious and you need to understand that. You do not need a therapist to help you figure out Lima's place in the world. It is special and unique and fabulous in a whole host of ways that are worth a much longer conversation.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab to Ipenema, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background, the tranquilitiy that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh of the Floresta da Tijuca, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds over Christ the Redeemer - and it probably fits with my weakness in doing rather than being - though Rio opened up a new chapter last week wherein I was happy and content just being.

Santigo, Chile - Do you really comprehend how beautiful your city is? Have you been told lately how warm your citizens are and how they softly glow with the special nature of their soul. You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting to your beauty. I could digress and say that Santigo's people have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love their unemployment lines or the curve of it's streets, the exotic beauty of it (or two magnificent parts of it) in the faded glow of night's light - but hey, that would be going into too much detail....

Buenos Aires, Argentina - On advice of my attorney, I am not going to talk about this city.

The slimmest of differences....

Dear Congressman,

Have you ever noticee that there are circumstances where minor differences between things can seem like the Grand Canyon to the casual observer.

For example, if you tell people that God spoke to you and gave you a vision for your life, they will smile, pat you on the back and tell you to "Go with God".

If, however, you tell people that several different gods spoke to you and told you to dye all your shoes pink, then the same people will make a phone call and then invite you to "Go with the nice men in the white suits".

If you graduate top of your class at John Hopkins Medical School, you are given your choose of residencies and are called doctor.

If you graduate top in your correspondence courses at the University of Central Uganda, East Nakaseke Campus, you are given an opportunity to become a resident at a number of hospitals in major cities all over the US and are called doctor.

If you are the governor of a southern state and decide on a whim to fly to Argentina to have a fling with a divorced mother of two, then you can expect to receive some criticism when you come home and face the music.

If you are the governor of a southern state and decide on a whim to fly to Argentina to have a fling with a divorced mother of two and then expect the state to pick up the tab for the trip, then you can expect to receive calls for your resignation when you come home and face the music.

Just those little subtle difference .....

The Bernanke Code

Dear Congressman,

Every few months a bunch of high ranking bankers get together, swap war stories, and decide which direction to influence the money flow in this country, and subsequently the rest of the world. After they are finished with witticisms and martinis, they make some poor intern type up a press release to be sent out at exactly 2:15pm on the day the meeting has ended. The release is so cryptic that there are analysts who make a living out of simply intrepreting what it actually means. So, for your benefit and since the analysts are not unionized, I thought I would do this for you for free....

WASHINGTON - The Federal Open Market Committee released the following statement Wednesday after a two-day meeting.

Release Date: June 24, 2009

For immediate release

Information received since the Federal Open Market Committee met in April suggests that the pace of economic contraction is slowing. “We heard a rumor that McDonald’s and Walmart might start hiring again.”

Conditions in financial markets have generally improved in recent months. “Pure fear has been replaced with plain old fashioned ulcer-generating anxiety.”

Household spending has shown further signs of stabilizing but remains constrained by ongoing job losses, lower housing wealth, and tight credit. "A couple of us had to fire our nannies."

Businesses are cutting back on fixed investment and staffing but appear to be making progress in bringing inventory stocks into better alignment with sales. "The economic business cycle has locked up tighter than a Scientologist at a Billy Graham crusade."

Although economic activity is likely to remain weak for a time, the Committee continues to anticipate that policy actions to stabilize financial markets and institutions, fiscal and monetary stimulus, and market forces will contribute to a gradual resumption of sustainable economic growth in a context of price stability. "None of us had a freakin' clue what shoe is going to drop next."

The prices of energy and other commodities have risen of late. "We all compared our electric bills at the meeting. "

However, substantial resource slack is likely to dampen cost pressures, and the Committee expects that inflation will remain subdued for some time. "We don't know what this means, but when the intern came up with it, we all liked the sound of it."

In these circumstances, the Federal Reserve will employ all available tools to promote economic recovery and to preserve price stability. "We all agreed to run up some balances on our credit cards and to haggle over everything we personally buy."

The Committee will maintain the target range for the federal funds rate at 0 to 1/4 percent and continues to anticipate that economic conditions are likely to warrant exceptionally low levels of the federal funds rate for an extended period. "Again, the intern suggested this sentence. Turns out this kid is pretty bright."

As previously announced, to provide support to mortgage lending and housing markets and to improve overall conditions in private credit markets, the Federal Reserve will purchase a total of up to $1.25 trillion of agency mortgage-backed securities and up to $200 billion of agency debt by the end of the year. "And since we are buying it from ourselves, we hopefully will get a good price!"

In addition, the Federal Reserve will buy up to $300 billion of Treasury securities by autumn. "It was a toss up between Treasury securities by autumn, Muni Bonds by Pimco, Polo by Ralph Lauren, or Chanel #5 by Chanel, but Treasury securities has such a nice scent that we had to go with that one."

The Committee will continue to evaluate the timing and overall amounts of its purchases of securities in light of the evolving economic outlook and conditions in financial markets. "Again, we have no idea what we are doing."

The Federal Reserve is monitoring the size and composition of its balance sheet and will make adjustments to its credit and liquidity programs as warranted. "We finally remembered this time to bring the piggy bank to the meeting so someone could count the coins."

More boring poety II

Dear Congressman,

Time for more boring poetry....

Wanton Endangerfield

Released by the blue-green algae
surrounded by a envelope of warmth
held together by at least two bonds
is the catastrophe most ignored
and the raw materials stored

in time less advanced
we moved to the other end of the car
in time less advanced
we attained satisfaction
dramatically as was the predicted consequence

wanton destruction of genetic wealth
blank stares of denial at the unclean camera
for the guiltiest among us are condemned to be admired
the cleanest to be painted with mold and neglect
and the ambivalent judged in a heavy silence

Your papers please.....

Dear Congressman,

Yesterday I was humbly eating my soup and sandwich in the work lunchroom while the busniess channel, CNBC, was playing on the television mounted in the corner nearest the window. As I ate and half-heartedly gazed at the TV, a commercial came on for a luxury automobile company. That made sense to me because luxury automobile companies probably get most of their sales from people who tend to watch CNBC. I was only watching because nine days out of ten the television is left on that channel by someone who came in early in the morning and selected it. The other day it was on Fox News, as someone here in the office is a fan of that network and likes to put on their programming.

But I digress....

At the end of this luxury car commercial they urged you to buy their product from "an authorized dealer near you". Now this begs the question: is their a network of unauthorized dealers out there that I have to be careful of??? Do they make unauthorized version of your cars out of cardboard and foam and then try to push them off onto an unsuspecting public? If you have such a problem with unauthorized dealers, why not make a commercial about that for consumer protection purposes.

For instance:

Hi, this is John Walsh for Mercedes Benz. Lately, some of our potential customers have been scammed by unscrupulous dealers selling vehicles under the Merkades Bense label and trying to pass them off as the real thing.


Here are some things to look for in your buying experience.


If the dealership is housed in a double-wide trailer with the Merkades Bense sign instead of Mercedes Benz, then it is in all probability an unauthorized dealer.


Also, if they require you to buy the car before you are allowed to drive one, then they are an unauthorized dealer. Once purchased, if they then state they will personally deliver you vehicle to your home later that day as a free service, again.. .they are most likely an unauthorized dealer.


Additionally, if you come back later in the day because the car never showed up and the dealership appears to have vanished, there is a high probability that they are an unauthorized dealer. Another tip off will be that after you return home from the second visit to the dealership you find that your house was burgled and your dog/cat was kidnapped. This is a major tip-off that you went to an unauthorized dealer.


So remember, double-wide, no test driving, disappearing lots, and home robbery are all signs that you have not been to an authorized Mercedes Benz dealership.


This is John Walsh, hoping you have a happy car shopping experience.

Open Government, pandora's box style

Dear Congressman,

As you have probably laughed about during your smoke breaks with your fellow congressman out back behind the Capitol Building, the Obama administration started an open government website for comments from the American people. This effort by the administration was discussed today in a New York Times story and helped to demonstrate some of the more important issues being discussed by our fellow citizens in regards to suggestions for better government.

Here's some of the topics raised for discussion...

Idea #594 Remove Marijuana from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act - Let's face it, if you open up a forum for discussion of government policy this one will always rear it's head. Nothing new here....

Idea #2071 Open all classified UFO files - Another shocker! There are people in this country convinced that a global-wide governmental conspiracy exists that refuses to release to the public that UFOs and aliens really exist and evidence of them is being secretly hidden. Personally, I have always found that if you tell four people a secret, then it will no longer be a secret to the other six billion world inhabitants within a week. So, if there is evidence of aliens and UFOs and numerous people have been sworn to secrecy over the last seventy years without a serious breech.... all I can say is... well done!!!

Idea #1437 Verify Citizenship Status - I like the reasoning listed with this one...

"the current resident of the White House (the almost certainly fake President) is not a natural-born citizen of the United States, he is not qualified to hold the office of President. Therefore, all orders he has given and all bills he has signed are null and void."

I think the "almost certainly fake" part tips the impartial reader that the writer has a minor bias against the current sitting President of the United States. Does this mean that the first dog is now illegal as well and must be returned to Portugal?

Idea #4060 Executive Order 12986 - According to this post... tell you what... I will let the original post speak for itself...

"Bill Clinton signed over the Grand Canyon to the UN as collateral on our national debt. The UN is functioning under the guise of an environmental group (for our own good). This order allows the UN to take privately owned land and prevents land owners from suing. The UN lays claim to over 60% of the country. This was in the 90's when our debt was lower. What will Obama give away?"

I don't even know how to begin to respond to that one....

Idea #4055 Frankentrees-GMO trees set to be released across America - According to this one, "the pollen in these trees can cause many negative health reactions, particularly with asthmatics and to those with allergies". Yes, we have genetically engineered trees in this country to the point that they can now wash and wax your car while you are watching sports on the television.....


And my personal favorite...

Idea #3797 PUT IN PRISON ALL ACLU LAWYERS THAT FILE RIDICULOUS LAWSUITS TO TEAR DOWN CROSSES OR RELIGIOUS MATERIAL IN THE USA - why you ask... "This has nothing to do with the Seperation of Church and State....They twist everything....They are corrupt and should go to jail..." I hate to be the harbinger of bad news to this person, but if you put everyone whom they disagreed with in jail, you would have to raise income taxes to 80% of all income to pay for all the prisons to house them....

Good stuff, eh congressman!

Many more can be found at http://opengov.ideascale.com/

Happy Father's Day

Dear Congressman,

Since Sunday was Father's day my sister decided that we should have a nice quiet celebration for my father. Since he is in his seventies, we did not want to do anything too strenuous that might hurt his old achy bones. So here are the highlights of the relaxing Sunday outing we planned for him.



On our way to the quiet Sunday Father's day outing in the country we spent several miles of road time following the re-birth of the American agricultural economy, as a local farmer decided it was a good time to move his tractor to another location, utilizing our predetermined route while doing so.



We stopped at Warren County regional airport, as we all knew how much Dad loved flying in his younger days. A local aeronautic worker came by to chat with Pops and see if he had any questions. They hit it off so well that he offered to take Dad up in their airplane for a spin!







As the kind gentleman told him that the plane was old and worn out, they decided to put Dad in a flight suit with a parachute harness, just in case something happened to the plane. They even supplied him with a goofy looking World War I style flying helmet so he could have memories of his days of youth flying Tiger Moths all over southern England.




As we sat baking in the hot sun, a group of local flight enthusiasts joined in the march to the rickety old plane on the end of the runway. Little did we know that an argument must have started at that point, because almost all of the people on the plane would not still be in it when it eventually landed!!!!




At some point before this, the argument must have hit a boiling over point, as clearly from the parachute descending toward us my father was no longer an occupant of the airplane.





Fortunately for my father, the gentleman who was speaking with him before the flight realized that he had no chance of making a proper landing after the pilot had kicked him out of the airplane, so he hooked up my dad to his chute and escorted him down, right to the point his ass bounced off the grass at 20mph!!!


So in the end my father thanked the kind gentleman from saving him from the temperamental pilot who liked to kick passengers out of his plane at 12,500 feet.

Titan arum to you too....

Dear Congressman,

Today it was announced by the Huntington Gardens of Los Angeles that a titan arum had bloomed in all it's finest glory.

Why do I care, you ask?

Because the titan arum is also referred to as the "corpse flower", as when it opens in bloom it's scent is often compared to that of a decomposing body. Plus, this sucker is one of the largest blooming plants on the planet, native to Sumatra. Due to numerous botanical gardens cultivating these monstrosities, they are not as uncommon in the United States as they previous had been. But to have a main attraction of your gardens a plant that occasionally gives off the odor of rotting flesh. Gotta love it.....

Flash... Broken News!!!

Dear Congressman,

Here in the good old US of A, the cable news channels (CNN, MSNBC, FOX News), the major television networks (ABC, CBS, NBC & FOX) and their local affiliates have all fallen under the spell of the "Breaking News" craze. In a nutshell, when they all begin a news broadcast, the over-made up newscaster (male or female... makes no difference) in 8 out of 10 broadcast start with the following line:

"Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, I'm John/Jane Doe and here are today's headlines. But first, we have a breaking news story from....."

And what is so important that you have to delay telling me about the latest events in the Iranian election or a flash flood that injured 20 in Texas?

"There is a report of a house fire currently burning in Lower Price Hill. We currently have a news team on the way and will bring you more information as this story develops."

A house fire? Really?

Now, between you and me, this normally is a tragedy for the family that lives in the house and loses all their possession, possibly a pet, and hopefully not a family member. But until you actually have some news that it is something other than smoldering attic or a garage fire, I personally would rather here about the Texas flood or the Iranian elections first.

I realize the news business is a dog-eat-dog, get to the story first or your die on the vine business, however at some point you might want to ask your customers what they would like to see, rather than running that "BREAKING NEWS" headline every 30 seconds.

But hey, maybe it's just me....

OMG! BOSA!

Dear Congressman,

You have probably noticed that when your younger assistants and pages are not at your beck and call that they are all furiously typing into their cellular devices sending messages back and forward to each other. Needless to say, every time you sneak out the back of the Capitol Building for a quick smoke, half of the congressional staff are aware that you are out their destroying your lungs withing 20 seconds of you lighting up.

How do they do that, you ask? Through the ingenious use of shorthand and acronyms. I have provided you a handy dandy listing courtesy of the people at Netlingo.

BTW- OMG! BOSA! stands for "Oh my goodness! Boehner's outside smoking again!"

AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
ACORN - A Completely Obsessive Really Nutty person
ADIH – Another Day In Hell
ADIP -Another Day In Paradise
AIAMU - And I'm A Monkey's Uncle
ALOTBSOL - Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life
AMRMTYFTS - All My Roommates Thank You For The Show
ATAB - Ain't That A Bitch
AYSOS - Are You Stupid Or Something
AYTMTB - And You're Telling Me This Because
BBFBBM - Body By Fisher, Brains By Mattel
BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal
BHIMBGO - Bloody Hell, I Must Be Getting Old
BIOYE - Blow It Out Your Ear
BITCH - Basically In The Clear Homey
BOB - Battery Operated Boyfriend
BSBD&NE - Book Smart, Brain Dead & No Experience
BTDTGTS - Been There, Done That, Got The T-shirt
Cof$ - Church of Scientology
CRAFT - Can't Remember A F***ing Thing
CRAP - Cheap Redundant Assorted Products
DILLIGAD - Do I Look Like I Give A Damn
DORD - Department Of Redundancy Department
DWWWI - Surfing the World Wide Web while intoxicated
EMRTW - Evil Monkey's Rule The World
ESO - Equipment Smarter than Operator
FILTH - Failed In London, Try Hong Kong
FLUID - F***ing Look it Up, I Did
FMTYEWTK - Far More Than You Ever Wanted To Know
FYSBIGTBABN - Fasten Your SeatBelts It's Going To Be A Bumpy Night
G2GLYS - Got To Go Love Ya So
GSYJDWURMNKH - Good Seeing You, Just Don't Wear Your Monkey Hat
HBASTD - Hitting Bottom And Starting To Dig
IANADBIPOOTV - I Am Not A Doctor But I Play One On TV
IANNNGC - I Am Not Nurturing the Next Generation of Casualties
IDGARA - I Don't Give A Rats Ass
IEF - It's Esther's Fault
IIABDFI - If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It
IIIO - Intel Inside, Idiot Outside
IITYWIMWYBMAD - If I Tell You What It Means Will You Buy Me A Drink
ILICISCOMK - I Laughed, I Cried, I Spat/Spilt Coffee/Crumbs/Coke On My Keyboard
IMHEIUO - In My High Exalted Informed Unassailable Opinion
IWBAPTAKYAIYSTA - I Will Buy A Plane Ticket And Kick Your Ass If You Say That Again
JUADLAM - Jumping Up And Down Like A Monkey
LDIMEDILLIGAF - Look Deeply Into My Eyes, Does It Look Like I Give A F***
LDTTWA - Let's Do The Time Warp Again
LOMBARD - Lots Of Money But A Right Dick
MTSBWY - May The Schwartz Be With You
NIGYYSOB - Now I've Got You, You Son Of a B*tch
NTTAWWT - Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
NYCFS - New York City Finger Salute
OMIK - Open Mouth, Insert Keyboard
ONNTA - Oh No, Not This Again
OSINTOT - Oh Sh** I Never Thought Of That
OTASOIC - Owing To A Slight Oversight In Construction
P2C2E - Process Too Complicated Too Explain
PDOMA - Pulled Directly Out Of My Ass
PEBCAC - Problem Exists Between Chair And Computer
PITMEMBOAM - Peace In The Middle East My Brother Of Another Mother
PMIGBOM - Put Mind In Gear Before Opening Mouth
PNATMBC - Pay No Attention To Man Behind the Curtain
PTPOP - Pat The Pissed Off Primate
RTH - Release The Hounds
RUMCYMHMD - Are You on Medication Cause You Must Have Missed a Dose
SAPFU - Surpassing All Previous Foul Ups
SITCOMs -Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage
SLOM - Sticking Leeches On Myself
SUFID - Screwing Up Face In Disgust
SWALBCAKWS - Sealed With A Lick Because A Kiss Won't Stick
TANSTAAFL - There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TEOTWAWKI - The End Of The World As We Know It
TSRA- Two Shakes of a Rat's Ass
URAPITA - You Are A Pain In The Ass
WOMBAT - Waste Of Money, Brains And Time
WTHOW - White Trash Headline Of the Week
YRYOCC - You're Running on Your Own Cookoo Clock
YYSSW -Yeah Yeah Sure Sure Whatever

The Iran Election Fraud... or maybe not...

Dear Congressman,

It appears over the weekend that the fix was in on the Iranian elections, with everyone's favorite nonsense-talking President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defeating his opponent Mir Hossein Mousavi in a supposed landslide vote. Mousavi supporters are up in arms over the alleged theft of the election, with continued rallies in the streets and protests from rooftops. Of course, it doesn't help the Irani government's case that it was a fair vote when they start to block cell phone signals and internet connections as part of the plan to stop the demonstrations, but then Iran has never been a county to shy away from controversy.

However, on the other side of the coin, it appears that a Washington D.C. based non-profit group called "Terror Free Tomorrow: The Center for Public Opinion" did a scientific analysis of the Iranian public and published a 70 page report that demonstrated that Ahmadinejad was in fact leading 2-1 in their survey.

I have memories of the original Iranian revolution of 1979, as I was living in Paris at the time and the events dominated headlines and sometimes events there. I clearly remember walking down the Champs-Elysees seeing the building for the Bank of Iran post a huge picture of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in their front window, and the next week walking by and seeing a bullet hole in the glass right through his forehead.

So, would I like to see Ahmadinejad run out of office... you bet. But did he lose the election? Let's collect all the facts before we decide that one...

Happy Fathers Day, Issur Danielovitch.....

Dear Congressman,

This correction appeared in the LA Times this morning. Thanks to Slate.com for pointing it out....

"An article in Wednesday's Calendar about Michael Douglas receiving the American Film Institute Life Achievement Award said he missed the AFI tribute when his father, Kirk Douglas, received the same award in 1991, and quoted the actor-producer as saying he didn't recall where he was at the time. In fact, the younger Douglas not only attended the ceremony but also served as its host. Douglas said through a spokesman Wednesday that he had forgotten about the event of 18 years ago."

Nice one Michael....

Spend, spend, spent....

Dear Congressman,

According to Bill Gross, the main guru over at Bond wizard company PIMCO, the American consumer has changed from an attitude of "shop til you drop" to "save to the grave". Now, as yourself, growing up in the last few decades with rampant consumerism and the need to "keep up with the Jones", I somehow feel that this is overstating it just a little bit. Granted, with 10% unemployment and spending scale backs of mammoth proportions, it does look gloomy if you own a whole bunch of specialty retailer stocks in your portfolio right now. But I would have faith in the consumers ability to belligerently spend money like it was radioactive and dangerous to hold on to.

Personally, I think we have gone from "shop til you drop" to "shop until you have to stop", mainly because of reduced credit and overdrawn bank accounts, but until that point is reached the average American consumer can still be counted on to come through to purchase those Asian manufactured goods at a pace steady enough to keep China out of trouble.

And "save to the grave", ...nah... it's more like "save until we come out of the cave". Talking heads in this country keep going on about how the til has tilted and people are now finally starting to save part of what they earn. But they don't give that all American need to have a bunch of stuff enough credit. Also, keep in mine that with the Pension Protection Act of 2006 companies have slowly begun withholding 3% of all new employee's pay automatically to a retirement account. I somehow thing this is contributing to America's sudden increasing love of saving.

So no sweat America, just run to the mall and get that new cell phone, pair of jeans, and latest "as seen on TV gadget". After all, the world does not have enough shamwows now, does it?

And you thought you had problems...

Dear Congressman,

Since you are busy fighting both lobbyists and liberals alike, I figured I would summarize the biggest political scandal of the year-to-date: the United Kingdom House of Commons MP expense allowances. It appears that the members of Parliament have been a loose with the rules of what they have been claiming for expenses over the last few years. Here's a few highlights:

Five Sinn Fein Members of Parliament for Northern Ireland : claimed over $750,000 over the last five years in expenses, even though they refused to come to London to attend Parliament during the entire period. My kind of gig!

Member of Parliament for Ryedale: This MP put in a claim for 89 cents for a box of matches. Needless to say it probably costs over $20 in administrative costs to process the claim.

Member of Parliament for West Derbyshire: Seems to have an insect problem because this MP put in a $250 claim for removal of a wasp hive from his home. I always found a can of bug spray from the DIY shop did just fine for this type of problem.

Member of Parliament for Norfolk South West: This MP loves trees, as the British public bought them some cherry laurels and red cedar trees. I wonder if this member had important political discussions affecting the state of the English economy on their cellular phone while sitting under these trees. Probably not....

Member of Parliament for Surrey Heath: I love the Tate Modern too, but I would not think to charge the general public $30 for the purchase of mugs there. In fact, if the Tate Modern is run by the Government, this is maybe this MP's method for stimulating the British economy by transferring money from one branch to another.

Member of Parliament for Rushcliffe: This MP turned in a claim for the purchase of a copy of "Windows XP for Dummies". Maybe they should have bought "How to Avoid Headlines in the National Press for Dummies" instead?

Member of Parliament for Wells: Turned in claims for bags of horse manure. Kind of appropriate, don't you think....

And my favorite....
Member of Parliamentfor Sleaford and North Hykeham: Yes, this MP turned in claims totaling $3,200 to have their moat cleaned.

Now, I have always bit the bullet and cleaned my own moat. But maybe I am just funny that way...

Employment for all

Dear Congressman,

I noted today that even with the unemployment figures showing another 500,000+ people reaching the unemployment line last month, there is one company that is coming to the rescue of the American worker....

Yes, it is Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart has announced that in 2009 they plan on opening or expanding 150 of their locations and hiring an additional 22,000 employees during the year.

Just a few small issues here....

1. Wal-Mart tends to mainly higher employees close to the minimum wage, which will not help someone who has to raise and feed a household.

2.Their health insurance plan is relatively expensive, so many have to choose between rent and food or insurance for their families, so they have to go uninsured. (2004 statistics quoted 2/3rd of employees were uninsured)

3. Wal-Mart has a litany of lawsuits it is defending against for sexual and wage discrimination.

So adding these jobs to replace higher income wages does not help the average worker. It is not quite a Mc-job, but it appears that for one of the largest corporations in the USA they could do a little better in the employee relations area, lest we start referring to it as Wal-work.

This is what we find....

Dear Congressman,

The other day I was sitting watching the evening news. As usual, the commercials that ran during the broadcast were all from the pharmaceutical companies pimping their latest products to an unsuspecting public. I say "unsuspecting" because one of them caught my attention with some of the "fine print" that the announcer tries to gloss over while reading the list of potential side effects that the Food and Drug Administration require them to disclose.

"There have been reports of patients experiencing intense urges to gamble, increased sexual urges, and other intense urges and the inability to control these urges while taking...."

Excuse me? This drug is being proscribed for a minor ailment referred to as Restless Leg Syndrome, that a fair share of doctors believe is being exaggerated by the drug maker as to the quantity of suffers bouncing on their beds on a nightly basis. A possible side effect is the overwhelming urge to double down on a pair of nines while I attempt to mount the casino's cocktail waitress?????

Excuse me if I say, for the sake of my marriage, that I would probably attempt another non-pharmaceutical solution if it were presented to me.

BTW- since the FDA makes the drug maker disclose other potential issues, here is a list of them for future reference:

From phase II other adverse effects categorized as frequent: Abdominal pain, constipation, gastroesophageal reflux disease, stomach discomfort, toothache, asthenia, chest pain, influenza-like illness, rigors, bronchitis, gastroenteritis, gastroenteritis viral, lower respiratory tract infection, rhinitis, tooth abscess, urinary tract infection, muscle spasms, musculoskeletal stiffness, myalgia, neck pain, osteoarthritis, tendinitis, hypoesthesia, migraine, anxiety, depression, irritability, sleep disorder, and erectile dysfunction, asthma, pharyngolaryngeal pain, night sweats, rash, hot flush, hypertension, and hypotension.

I did not include the infrequent list as it contained about 3 times as many ailments as the frequent list.

As a side note, I do not mean to understate the trauma of this condition to anyone who suffers from it. I just personally have never met any of you.....

The Decline of Western Civilization

Dear Congressman,

I believe today, finally, that the reality TV plague has begun it's long and tedious downward slide to the annals of history, with a special slot right next to Pet Rocks, Members Only Jackets, and barbwire bicep tattoos. Here's why courtesy of the Associated Press:

LOS ANGELES - The Southern California woman who gave birth to the world's longest-surviving set of octuplets has signed a deal to star in a reality television series, her lawyer said Sunday.

Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to the six boys and two girls in January and also has six other children, agreed to be filmed for a proposed television show by Eyeworks, a Netherlands-based production company, attorney Jeff Czech said.

The company hasn't yet sold the show to any American television network, he said.

Since Katie Couric did not succeed in ending her life, it is only appropriate that someone came up with the astounding idea that giving this woman her own TV show. In fact, I think after about three episodes of following Ms. Suleman around, you will be able to get sponsors banging on the network's door trying to run ads. Some fitting ads might be:

Brinks Security Alarm Systems: Because you never know when Nadya will want to visit you!

Trojan Prophylactics: Eight might not be enough for Nadya, but none is plenty for you.

Hummer : If she's out there driving, we can make you safe....