Bothersome things

Dear Congressman,

Today we are going to discuss things that get on my nerves. I realize this is not high on your list of priorities or concerns, but since this is my forum and you and your staff can quit reading anytime you want (kinda like the smoking thing, only different), then I am going to pursue this topic for today.

Today's list of bothersome things:

1. When leaving the dentist this morning, one of your constituents was of the opinion that it is acceptable behavior to operate their SUV within six inches of my rear bumper while traveling at speeds of approximately 35mph. This is not acceptable behavior and needs to stop. At your earliest convenience, please have an available staff member call the lady in question and remind her that driving is a privilege, not a right, and that her particular attempt at vehicular operations management is questionable at best...

2. When AARP runs their commercials during the evening news pimping their latest lame medicare-add on package in partnership with some big multi-billion dollar HMO, please ask them to refrain from stating in their sales pitch :
"from AARP, a name you trust"
This clever little play on words might work on some retirees with bad hearing aids and in the early stages of dementia, but the average American is going to start mistrusting AARP if they continue to pimp their "trustworthyness" too overtly in their attempts to fill their coffers with your money.

3. I have already discussed the "Breaking News" issue in a previous posting. Just fix it, please!

And lastly

4. Under no conditions should the Shamwow guy, Vince Shlomi, take over the mantle of "lead infomercial pitch guy" from the recently deceased Billy Mayes. Billy might have been somewhat irratating with that semi-shouting voice that compelled you to buy cleaning products you did not know you needed, but Vince is just not right for the part, as the prostitute he is alledged to have had a fistfight would be willing to attest.