The lost Elvis Presley twitters

Dear Congressman,

It appears twitter has been around longer than any of us ever thought. In fact, someone recently dug up twitters from the archives in the basement of Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee. Alledgedly they were in a box marked "Elvis personal correspondence" underneath a stack of white rhinestone lined jumpsuits and a 31 year old peanut butter and banana sandwich. Lets review some of the hightlights, shall we?

September 9, 1956
Man, that Ed Sulliman is one ugly dude. Could do with a breath mint too....

January 6, 1957
I gotta do that Ed Sulliman business again. Gonna film from the waist up cause Col Tom said camera lens is cracked on the bottom... whatever...

December 20, 1957
Damn... got my draft notice... thought Col Tom was gonna get me out of that gig...

October 3, 1958
In Germany now... how come everyone knows my name but can't speak a damn word of English?

November 5, 1958
Army pal gave me a handful of pills... man them suckers get your heart going...

November 7, 1958
Still waiting for my heart to slow down

November 10, 1958
Finally got some sleep last night.... better get some more of them pills...

March 5, 1960
Officially out of the army today. Now where am I gonna find some more of them pills?

August 28, 1965
Met the Beatles yesterday. They didn't have any pills either...

June 6, 1968
Performed live for the first time in ages. Damn, that black leather was tight...

September 26, 1968
Good news. Got a new doc who gets me the pills any time I want...

December 21, 1972
Met with Nixon today. Man that guy needs a breath mint...

January 13, 1974
Fired up the jet and flew from Graceland to LA for a Tommy burger.

January 14, 1974
Man those burgers are good. Did it again today...

January 16, 1974
One more time to Tommy burger... running low on them pills again...

March 21, 1976
Gonna fire my jump-suit tailor... these things keep shrinking in the wash.. can't fit in any of 'em

August 17, 1977
Running low on them pills again... hold on.. gotta hit the can...