Charge it.... or just shoot it, my good man!

(Please note that this is written in 21st century Victorian, translation is below)

My Dear Congressman,

I send this dispatch with sincere thoughts and prayers that it finds you and the beloved members of your domicile of excellent constitution and of favorable disposition. In reference to my own ignoble circumstances, I would be of dubious manner to make declaration of that matters of social and financial natures were not of an acceptable character in the present juncture, so it is with all vivacity that I report to you the amiableness from which I currently preside.

I feel I would be remiss as your most meek and humble servant if I were not to bring to your attention a concern, though minor in its intrinsic disposition, that raises the question of the willingness of the political establishment for which you honorably serve to dutifully focus upon the veracious requirements of the people of this good and bountiful land. It is but a trivial matter, but no truer its existence does but demonstrate this very inclination toward so vile and deceiving a practice.

During my morning ritual of reflection and contemplation of the various sources of information made available to myself, I have become aware that your accomplished and well-meaning colleagues have rightfully judged it of utmost necessary to curb the depraved and contemptuous practices of the money lending establishments, lest they continue to turn virtuous and wholesome people of this land into mere shells of themselves, only good for chains and drab tides that debtor's prison will so surely bring them. One of your compatriots did not share of this conviction so freely, as they saw opportunity of a selfish and prejudiced denomination. To that of which I speak, already know to you, is the brackish codicil that against good taste and common sentiment would sanction rogues and boors of an unsavory sort to cavort in our most prized National landmarks while ladened with accoutrements for purposes unknown.

I sincerely beg of your Grace, please advocate to your esteemed journeymen with the most expedient tone and strength of heart that the addendum is of a caliber not worthy of consideration of merit that would be due from a celebrated and exceptional assemblage such as the category your peers are presumed to be akin.

I remain your loyal and humble servant,



Translation:

Dear Congressman,

How are you? I am fine.

Got a complaint. Nothing big.

The credit card bill is good. Tacking on a rider allowing firearms in National Parks is crap.

Tell everyone.

Later,