Recently in the news I have seen the many talking heads going on and on about something called dark matter. According to their constant ramblings, it is matter that we have detected but don't really know anything about. Think of it like the ad campaign that Microsoft ran with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld... didn't really make any sense but it still showed up on our television sets on a daily basis for a few weeks.So I thought I really should do some investigating of my own. After all, the best evidence is the evidence you uncover yourself, right? Plus, I always enjoyed science in school and everyone loves a good mystery.
Let's dive right in, shall we?
From Wikipedia:
Dark matter is hypothetical matter that does not interact with the electromagnetic force, but whose presence can be inferred from gravitational effects on visible matter.
Hey, fairly straight forward so far...
It has been noted that the names "dark matter" and "dark energy" serve mainly as expressions of human ignorance, much like the marking of early maps with "terra incognita."
So, that means dark matter could be many different things, only we know it exists but can't find it.... like the other sock that never seems to make it out of the dryer....
Much of the evidence for dark matter comes from the study of the motions of galaxies. Many of these appear to be fairly uniform, so by the virial theorem the total kinetic energy should be half the total gravitational binding energy of the galaxies
Okay, now I am getting in over my head...
Dark matter is crucial to the Big Bang model of cosmology as a component which corresponds directly to measurements of the parameters associated with Friedmann cosmology solutions to general relativity. In particular, measurements of the cosmic microwave background anisotropies correspond to a cosmology where much of the matter interacts with photons more weakly than the known forces that couple light interactions to baryonic matter. Likewise, a significant amount of non-baryonic, cold matter is necessary to explain the large-scale structure of the universe.
I did pretty well in science classes at school, but I am thinking that the "Greyhound Bus of modern scientific study" left the station well before I came in to buy a ticket.
I am obviously not going to understand dark matter reading on Wikipedia, but I do have some theories of my own as to what makes up it's composition. Here goes:
1. Mortgage-backed Securites - personally, I think dark matter definitely contains some component of illiquid mortgage backed securities. Let's face it, the financial world has had so much trouble trying to value these things that they must be related.
2. The playbooks for the Cincinnati Bengals & St. Louis Rams - since neither team seems to be able to proper execute an offensive or defensive play scripted in these documents, one would have to assume that dark matter must contribute to the complexity of their structure, thus causing the semi-college educated players studying these tid-bits of wisdom to become disoriented while on the playing field.
3. Jimmy Hoffa - makes sense to me, his final ride ended with him being converted to dark matter, thus when they look for his remains in Giant's Stadium, they can't find him... even though he has been there since July of 1975.
4. Spam : Not the kind you get in your inbox, but the kind you buy at the store. There is no way on earth that you can make something that was originally derived from a cow, chicken, or pig taste as bad as this stuff does. Definitely dark matter...
5. Donald Trump's hair: speaks for itself... it can't be human hair....
6. Mezcal: especially "con gusano" (with worm). Just try drinking a bunch of this and not wake up naked on your patio the next day.
Alas, the list could go on and on....
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