For your love....

Dear Congressman,

It appears that Jesse James, like Tiger Woods before him, is headed for "treatment" for his "problem". This is the latest trend for the adulterous American husband; to enter a clinic to find out the reason why they have a compulsion to copulate with any female who happens to glance in their direction.

For the record, I will note that rather than calling it "sex therapy", the correct term for this treatment would be better labeled as "monogamy training", as I doubt the wish of the meandering party's significant other is that they become asexual and join a cult, but to focus their libido driven urges on the person they so dutifully marched down the aisle with in the first place.

When a person makes a lifelong commitment to another and then goes out and has a fling with yet another, it is considered a sin by most religions, an act of betrayal by their spouse, and a display of low moral fiber by their peers. But what should it be called when you never even took a second to remember your wedding vows? Sleeping with as many girls as possible after you are married is not a mistake, it is a character flaw.

Take for example: "I think my wife searched my phone, so please remove your name from your phone... can you do that for me? Thanks, this is Tiger...huge...."

Really! You think this is a good idea? It might have worked out for you if there was a single mistress that you were spending all your waking hours outside of the PGA tour, but what were you going to do about the other hundred or so single females you were stringing along? I think something along these lines might have been a more appropriate message:

"Hi, it's Tiger, listen up because this is important. I think my wife might be on to us... so if you are someone I regularly stoink in the Eastern time zone, please press one for further instructions. For the West Coast press two. For anywhere in between, press three. If you are a casual friend that I have only done the deed with once or twice, please leave a message so I can attempt to get you into the regular rotation....... BEEP.....

And as for Jesse, I don't think Sandra is going to run right out and get a bunch of tattoos anytime soon, so if that is your thing, then maybe you need to have them tattooed on your eyeballs so then everyone will have a tattoo and you will no longer feel like you are missing out on something...

Or not....