It must be love

Dear Congressman,

Recently I received the following email that I believe is going to change my life forever.

It read as follows:

Hello my friend!!!
This letter arrived to you from Russian Internet dating agency " Land of Love ".
This is not spam or other bad things. So, please, answer to me!!!
My name is Alisa. I'm 27 years old from Neya, Russia.
I have decided to change my life, and to find the man for me. The man for serious attitudes.
I addressed to agency " Land of Love " and they sent my letter to you.
I want to search man from USA for friendship or love.
I very much like the country USA, and I very much wish to visit this great country.
I'm not married and have no children.
This is my photo. I hope that you like it and will answer to me.

Please, answer only to my personal e-mail:

Best regards,
Yours Alisa.

This was my reply....

Dear Alisa,

Hello yourself!!! I must say I did not expect your email, as I don't remember sending any information to the Russian Internet dating agency "Land of Love". Are you sure it wasn't from the "Ugly, obese, unpleasant, American Sexist Pigs looking for hot, young, ignorant, foreign women to exploit Agency", because I am a card carrying member of that fine organization. But hey, maybe it just translate differently into Russian than into English.

I am glad to hear that this is not "spam or other bad things". I am so tired of other bad things occurring, but since my court appointed attorney told me not to speak about them until after the trial is finished, I will not go into any detail here.

I think I might be the man you are looking for, as I have been told on many occasions that I have a serious attitude problem, so this fits right in with your search for "serious attitudes".

As for "searching man from USA for friendship and love", I am sure that when we meet you will find that I fit this criteria as well, because due to my 450+ lb size it would take you a considerable amount of time to find anything on me due to the folds of fat tissue all over my body. Think of the fund we can have while you try!!!!

I must ask, however, that you resend the picture that was attached to the email. For some reason I cannot get it to open properly, as my computer crashed all three times I tried.

But I truly believe that we are meant to be together, because within a day of each crash someone has charged several thousand dollars to my credit card at a bar in ... guess where!... Moscow, Russia!!! If that is not a sign from the heavens that we are destined for each other than I don't know what is....

Anyway, please forward a new picture and write back soon.

Regards and looking forward to fun times together,

Reginald Snerd