P&G stops and smells the roses

Dear Congressman,

I was perusing the news this morning when I found an interesting article in the Cincinnati Business Courier in regards to one of Cincinnati's largest employers:

Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble Co. on Wednesday launched a Febreze Destinations Collection, fragrances from around the world in three scents -- Hawaiian Aloha, Brazilian Carnaval and Moroccan Bazaar.

The company said in a press release that the fragrances were the result of consumer research and interaction that indicated many Americans were "looking to create a more experiential scent atmosphere in the home to stimulate the senses and create an overall ambiance."

If you ask me, they are interesting choices. The first of the three, Hawaiian Aloha, seems the tamest of the bunch. I would think that it invokes nasal sensations of sea salt in a warm breeze, fresh flowers from the lei around your neck, and a slight hint of cannabis lofting from a minivan in the North Shore parking lot full of surfers just back from riding a "bitchin' break with no slop".

Brazilian Carnaval is a little more olfactory insensitve, as I have no idea where they found a consumer research panel that convinced their research staff that the scent of millions of sweaty armpits, copious amounts of alcohol induced vomit, and residual smell of firecracker sulfur is going to end up anywhere in the U.S. other than (eventually) the shelves of Dollar General.

And, of course, my favorite is Moroccan Bazaar, for obvious reasons. Sanity must have been optional for the marketing thinktank that came up with this name. Moroccan Bazaar... gee... what comes to mind when one thinks of a Moroccan Bazaaar? I'll take a stab at it. Here's what I would think of as the predominant smells coming from this particular marketplace:

1) The overwhelming odor of goat.
2) Hashish wafting from a nearby cafe.
3) That weird scent released by P&G research staff when they collectively realize that not a single human being who works or attends a Morocan Bazaar has recently bathed or even heard of any of their many deodorant products available to mask the odor of unwashed people.
4) The actual fragrance eminating from the aforementioned inhabitants of Rabat.

Now, don't get me wrong, Congressman. There are plenty of people in your district who would fit this discription as well, but P&G is not coming out with a fragrance call Fairfield Market or Wetherington Wells, is it?