The Great Recession

Dear Congressman,

We have all come to a collective realization that the United States economy is currently in a serious world of hurt. The network media constantly barrages us with tales of foreclosures, panicking stock market trading floors, and endless streams of layoff announcements by companies trying to deflect attention from their woefully earnings reports.

But to date, we do not have a good name for this monetary malaise that has spread across the globe quicker than steroids at a body building competition. The Great Depression has already been used, plus... hopefully.... the current version of GDP reduction does not reach those levels that we all heard our grandparents talk about in the 1970's. So I thought I would help you out again with a few suggestions to sprinkle around at those Georgetown cocktail parties this weekend.

The Great Recession - I would suggest staying away from this one, as it is entirely lame and sounds like something a junior aide might come up with. If someone else suggests it at a party or in passing conversation, then you know you are dealing with a mental midget.

The 2nd Post Millennium Delirium : Can't claim it is the first, as that one occurred between 2000 and 2002. Has a nice catch to it, but might be thought of as too flighty by your liberal colleagues across the aisle.

The Immense Housing Bubble Fubar : Nice and to the point. Even includes the hidden curse words for that slight edginess that seems to be required in Washington now an intellectual is in the White House.

The Bank Job of 2008/2009 : A nice play on a film title, with the U.S. public literally getting jobbed by financial institutions anyway, it only seems fitting.

The "Cyclical Recessive Asset Purge ": the initials say it all....

The Vast Dash to Cash : as Jeff Macke stated so eloquently on "Fast Money" several months ago "There are only two positions in this market: cash and fetal."

The Securitization Limbo Contest : Will win you points with the financial savvy types as they argue "mark to market" and Level III asset prices over martinis and caviar. Stay away from Bank CEO's when talking about this one however, as they are still finding out that the limbo stick can go lower than they ever imagined possible.

and my personal favorite:

How low can you go with my dough?