Uncut... literally

Dear Congressman,

I was listening to a program by the BBC about the Guinness Book of World Records when I came across the info below.

Longest Fingernails – Female
WHO: Lee Redmond
WHAT: 8 m 65 cm (28 ft 4.5 in)
WHERE : Lo show dei record, Madrid, Spain
WHEN: As of 1979
Lee Redmond (USA), who has not cut her nails since 1979, has grown and carefully manicured them to reach a total length of 8.65 m (28 ft 4.5 in) as measured on the set of Lo show dei record in Madrid, Spain, on 23 February 2008.

Let me get this straight, Ms. Redmond has not cut her nails since the Jimmy Carter administration?

Wow....

A few points here,

I would send Ms. Redmond an email to congratulate her, but unless she has learned to type with her toenails (which I assume are of normal length) there is no way on earth she can get her hands near a keyboard.

And her hair looks nice and shiny, which must be due to Mr. Redmond and his magic scrubbing fingers, as there is very little chance that Ms. Redmond is able to break out the Head & Shoulders and "wash, rinse , repeat" without assistance.

Basically, any day to day task would seem to become very cumbersome, as I would think Ms. Redmond would be so worried about breaking one of her precious nails that she would not be able to hold a knife and fork, a segment of toilet paper, or a martini.

And her make-up looks pretty professionally done, I would probably bet when she is around the house she never slaps any on, otherwise there is a pretty good chance Ms. Redmond would (by now) require the use of an eyepatch.

I would also have to assume that Ms. Redmond has mastered the art of using her nose, teeth, and knuckles to work the ATM. That is if she was able to drive the car to the bank in the first place and get in and out of it.

Anyway, I think you get my point. So congrats on making the Guinness Book, Ms. Redmond. Now can I have your autograph?.........

Or not....